


We're Not Married, Except We Kind Of Are

by PluralForce



Category: Team Batista Series
Genre: Ariadne no Dangan Spoilers, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Past Hayami Kouichi/Shiratori Keisuke, Post-Raden Meikyuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 13:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PluralForce/pseuds/PluralForce
Summary: Shiratori takes a joke too far, and suddenly, everyone at Tojo thinks he and Taguchi are married. Everyone they know has something to say about it—and in the process, they might just end up helping Shiratori and Taguchi figure out how they really feel along the way.





	We're Not Married, Except We Kind Of Are

**Author's Note:**

> so this. uh. this happened. I meant to write something totally different for them but this decided it wanted to happen first. it was only supposed to be like 4k and got WILDLY out of my control. for the record, I wanted to include someone from season 1, but all the good candidates are dead, in prison, out of the country, or had their license revoked. season 1 was brutal y’all.
> 
> thanks as always to the lovely Relle for cheerleading and for the conversation that sparked this ridiculous fic. I’d also like to thank the anon I had a conversation with like five years ago for the Shiratori/Hayami headcanon that planted itself in my brain.

The first time Shiratori introduces them as married is a joke. No, really. Honestly. A joke.

Really, it’s all Taguchi’s fault for dragging him down to the hospital cafeteria instead of letting them go somewhere with good food. You can’t just eat meat all the time, he says. Eat something good for you, he says. What’s the problem? Meat is good for you! So Shiratori gets the sandwich with the most meat in it he can find, and Taguchi with his rabbit food looks at him and shakes his head.

Taguchi looks like he’s about to say something, but he interrupts himself when he glances across the room and exclaims, “Oh, Izumi-sensei!”

Izumi, on the other side of the cafeteria, looks up from her food. “Taguchi-sensei, it’s been a while! Oh, and Shiratori-san too,” she adds as an afterthought. By the time she finishes her sentence, Taguchi has crossed the room to her table and is asking if they can sit with her. Well, it would’ve been nice if he’d asked Shiratori first, but Shiratori goes over to join them anyway.

“So?” Izumi asks when the two of them have settled in across from her. “What schemes are you up to in our hospital this time, Shiratori-san?”

“Excuse me!” Shiratori says offendedly. “I can’t come to visit Gucchi for no reason once in a while?”

Izumi squints at him. “There’s always a reason with you.”

Okay, the reason this time is that he’s got a particularly strenuous case at the Ministry and it’s nice to have someone to complain at who seems to like being complained at. Why does everyone assume it has to be something sinister?

Taguchi laughs and says, “Shiratori-san really is just here to visit. The only business he has is to take over the couch in my office again.”

“It’s a nice couch!” Shiratori defends. That couch is comfier than any bed he’s got.

Taguchi rolls his eyes. “If you like it that much, why didn’t you have it shipped to you when we returned to Tojo? You just put it back in my office!”

“It’s your couch!” Shiratori says in his most scandalized tone. “Why would I go and take someone else’s couch? Are you telling me to steal from you, Gucchi?”

Taguchi sighs and shakes his head again, but there’s a smile on his lips that he fails to hide. Well, Shiratori would hope so; if Taguchi _actually_ minded, he’d have kicked Shiratori out years ago, right? Not to mention—neither of them has said that it’s been a little weird living apart after a few months on top of each other in that tiny apartment during the Hekisuiin fiasco, but it’s been a little weird.

Izumi interrupts them with a laugh. “You two fight like a married couple.”

An idea sparks in Shiratori’s head at that moment. He can’t just let a remark like that go without having a bit of fun, can he? Think of what it would do to his reputation if he didn’t take an opportunity for sarcasm here.

He puts one arm around Taguchi’s shoulders and says, “Well, naturally. A married couple has to fight like a married couple, right? It would get boring otherwise.”

“Shiratori-san,” Taguchi says sharply. It’s a familiar tone, the _you’re toeing the line with this joke voice._

Instead of laughing, Izumi gapes at them. “When did you two—congratulations! I had no idea!”

Oh? Oh, this will be _fun_.

Taguchi goes red and tries to stammer out, “No—we’re not actually—”

Shiratori bites the inside of his cheek to keep from bursting out laughing. “These things just have a way of happening, don’t they, Gucchi?” he says seriously.

Taguchi is just stammering now. Whoops, did he break him?

Izumi gives a soft hum as she thinks. “Well, now that you’ve mentioned it, I understand,” she says with a nod to herself, like she’s come to some big conclusion. “I should be surprised, but—after seeing how upset Shiratori-san was when you got shot, Taguchi-sensei, it does make sense.”

Taguchi’s jaw drops and he turns to Shiratori. “I _knew_ I wasn’t imagining that conversation!” he exclaims, and oh boy, Shiratori can just feel the lecture coming. “You told me it was the morphine! I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you!” He turns back to Izumi, jaw set and gaze intent. “Please tell me everything.”

Izumi shakes her head. “It figures he would try to pretend it never happened,” she says with a scoff. She leans over the table, obviously eager to ruin Shiratori’s reputation. “He was seriously panicking! Like I said back then, I thought he was going to cry.”

“I was not going to cry,” Shiratori says. He was not.

“That sure sounds like a sight,” Taguchi says with far more glee than he has any right to. “Could you get pictures for me next time? Er—” He stops and waves his hands in front of him frantically. “Not that there will be a next time! I’d rather never get shot again in my lifetime if I can help it.”

Izumi laughs. “If I ever see him about to cry over you, I’ll get the blackmail photos. As long it’s not because I’m treating you for some injury again,” she agrees easily. She stands up and takes her tray with her. “I have to run. It was good seeing you, Taguchi-sensei. And congratulations again, you two!”

Taguchi rises from his seat and calls out, “Izumi, wait—” But by that time, she’s already gone.

Taguchi sinks back down and puts his head in his hands. Shiratori finally gives in and cracks up laughing.

——

“This is all your fault,” Taguchi groans at Shiratori the next evening. Really, what had Shiratori been thinking?!

“Don’t worry, they’ll forget about it in a few days,” Shiratori reassures him, unreassuringly.

‘They’ is half the hospital, and they will definitely not forget about it in a few days, not after all the commotion the two of them have created over the years.

Izumi’s not one to gossip, but she is the type to update mutual friends on each other’s lives. And Izumi still works in the ER, so she naturally told Sato, and together they told most of the other people who know Taguchi from his round in the ER, and those people told… you get the picture. Now Taguchi has acquaintances from completely different departments coming up to congratulate him.

Taguchi leans his elbows on his office table, puts his face in his hands, and glares through his fingers at Shiratori, who’s draped himself on Taguchi’s couch without a shred of remorse. Shiratori sees his expression and sighs.

“Gucchi, even if we tell them it’s a lie now, who will believe us?” he says (ignoring Taguchi’s mutter of “well no one will believe _you_”). He shrugs and continues, “The only thing we can do is wait for it to blow over and hope it doesn’t get worse.” Shiratori keeps his face straight as he says it, but Taguchi can hear the smirk behind the words. He thinks this is _funny_, the absolute jerk.

“Some of us still have a good reputation, you know!” Taguchi scolds him. “Just because yours is terrible, don’t go dragging mine down along with it!”

“Gucchi, face it, your reputation has been tainted by mine for years,” Shiratori says with his most annoying grin. “Something like this won’t even make a difference.”

Taguchi groans. The worst part is that it’s true. Even without the fake marriage rumor, everyone already sees them as a set. Taguchi’s fine with that. He’s got plenty of experience winning over suspicious people who see him as Shiratori’s spy. But acting like they’re in a relationship? Really?

A sharp knock sounds, interrupting the banter, and a moment later the door opens. Taguchi lifts his face from his hands and looks.

Hayami leans against the door frame and takes his lollipop out of his mouth. “I heard an interesting rumor from Sato-chan,” he says in an easy drawl that’s only slightly less intimidating than his ‘general of the ER’ voice. “Something about you two being married?”

Taguchi buries his face in his hands again. “Shiratori-san, I think this counts as getting worse.”

Shiratori gives a quick, sharp laugh and waves a hand in the air. “You came all the way from your post to check up on that? It’s just a joke that some of yours took too seriously. A joke.”

Hayami pops the lollipop back in his mouth and rolls it around, saying nothing for a long moment, then he narrows his eyes at Shiratori. “Really? Just a joke? Over something like this?” The way he stares at Shiratori makes it seem like Shiratori should naturally get what Hayami is implying—it’s the same feeling Taguchi always gets from these two, that there’s a long history between them that neither one wants or needs to acknowledge directly.

Shiratori puts one hand to his chest in a mock-offended gesture. “Are you saying you don’t believe me?”

“I think _you_ think you’re joking,” Hayami says, with an air of decisiveness that leaves Taguchi no room to ask Hayami what he means by that. “But that’s disappointing to hear. I was hoping you’d finally gone and found someone else after what happened between us.”

Taguchi sits up straight and stares at them. The air is thick with tension between them, and it doesn’t take long for Taguchi to get it. “Wait—wait, hang on, you two—?”

“Hm?” Shiratori glances at Taguchi with honest surprise. “Gucchi, I didn’t tell you? Oh, right, I guess I didn’t. Hayami and I dated for a bit in medical school.”

He shrugs and adds, “It was kind of a disaster, honestly,” at the same time as Hayami pops the lollipop from his mouth for emphasis and declares, “A mistake.”

Taguchi gapes at them. How is this the first he’s hearing of this? It’s understandable that they would keep it quiet, all things considered, but he’s known them both for years and he didn’t have a clue.

Hayami turns to Taguchi. “At any rate, look after him, would you? He needs someone to make sure he stays out of trouble.”

Taguchi nods. “I’m already very good at doing that,” he reassures Hayami seriously.

Hayami smirks. “You’re not helping your case, Taguchi-sensei,” he says, then turns around and leaves with a short wave, as quickly as he arrived. Taguchi gapes. Is he really implying…?

In the wake of the silence Hayami leaves behind, Taguchi folds his arms on the table and stares at Shiratori. “Shiratori-san, so you’re…?” He struggles to find the right words.

“Hmm? Oh, the thing with Hayami, right. Well… when it comes to men or women, I don’t really care. What’s that fancy English word they have for it? ‘Bisexual’? I guess I’m that.” Shiratori shrugs. “I just think it’s stupid to limit yourself to one thing or another. Why miss out on everything life has to offer?” He says it as easily as talking about the weather, although it can’t be an easy subject to talk about. Actually, he’s a little too casual.

“I see…” Taguchi says slowly. “I understand. I guess that makes sense.” He grins at Shiratori.

Shiratori blinks at him, then grins back.

——

The number of autopsy surgeons Shiratori trusts to give him an unbiased opinion _and_ has on call to get him one with no questions asked is a scarce few. Sasai is nothing if not devoted to her work, and adding her to that number in recent years has been a great boon. He has to admit he’s not sure when or how he got on her good side, but why question it?

(He knows how. The reason is Taguchi. Why, if this keeps up, what if people start to think Shiratori is nice by association? The horror!)

She finishes quickly and confirms Shiratori’s suspicions of malpractice. Another headache to deal with. Once she’s cleaned up, she hands him the report, then waves him into a seat in her office and offers him ice cream from her freezer.

“Are you sure? I thought you can’t eat anything other than meat?” she says with a cheeky grin.

Shiratori scowls and grabs the popsicle she’s holding out to him. “I can! What do you care?”

“I don’t.” She settles in at her computer, monaka in one hand.

“How do you even know about that?” he grumbles.

“Your husband complains about you sometimes. Oh—” The impish grin returns. “By the way, congratulations on your marriage, Shiratori-san.”

Shiratori barks out a laugh. Of course. “So you’ve heard about that all the way down here, have you? I didn’t think you were the type to keep up with rumors.”

“I don’t.” She turns back to her computer screen. “Suga-kun does, though. He updated me and Shimazu the other day.”

Shiratori’s eyebrows raise at that. “You’re friends with Shimazu now?”

“Well…” Sasai shrugs. “‘Friends’ is a strong word. War acquaintances, he calls it.” She waves her free hand in the air next to her, as if to wave away some stupid thought. “We’re _definitely_ not dating, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve sworn off romance after Ikaruga, at least for now.”

“Don’t tell Suga-kun that,” Shiratori mutters.

Sasai turns to him with a blank expression too perfect to be fake. “What about Suga-kun?”

He narrows his eyes at her. “Not that I’ll ever be going to anyone for romantic advice, but if I did, it wouldn’t be you.”

She laughs. “Direct as ever, aren’t you? Yeah, you’re right, don’t do that.” Her grin fades into something more sober. “I’m glad Ikaruga finally apologized after everything that happened, but there are some things you just can’t come back from in a relationship, you know?”

“I have no idea what you ever saw in a man like that,” Shiratori tells her bluntly. Sure, he made a public apology. Doesn’t mean Shiratori has to like him. _Taguchi_ doesn’t like the guy. Taguchi likes _everyone_. Taguchi’s made friends with at least two actual murderers and _he_ doesn’t like Ikaruga.

Sasai snorts. “Maybe I should be going to you for romantic advice instead, since you’re apparently much farther along than me.”

Shiratori almost laughs. Right. Their supposed marriage. “We’re not actually married, you know.”

“Of course not, that’s not legal in Japan,” she says like it’s obvious. “But you’re together, right? It’s not hard to see once you know it’s there.”

Shiratori goes still. “Is that right?”

Okay, maybe he spends more time crashing in Taguchi’s office than a normal friend would. Maybe there’s a rapport there that he’s never found with any other person. Maybe there’s something there, lurking at the edges of his brain, that he’s never cared to acknowledge or think too much about. This marriage joke is determined to push those thoughts to the forefront of his brain where he can’t ignore them.

Sasai turns to face him fully. “We’re probably never going to have this kind of friendly chat again, so let me just say this, Shiratori. A lot of men are rotten and a few men are keepers.” She points her half-eaten monaka at him for emphasis. “Taguchi-sensei wields kindness like a weapon. You’re never going to find another man like that in your entire lifetime.”

Shiratori remembers a conversation on a rooftop, dyed orange in the evening glow, when Taguchi yelled at him that he’d believe in Shiratori when Shiratori couldn’t believe in himself.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, smiling to himself. “I know.”

——

Taguchi’s not actually in charge of the AI center anymore, but he was so deeply involved in its establishment that some part of him can’t help but think of it as partly his. It’s nice to check up on the place—he hasn’t had the chance until now because of how busy he’s been with the aftermath of the Hekisuiin case.

Shimazu greets him with a smile and eagerly tells him about all the improvements they’ve made to their systems in the last few months. Taguchi still doesn’t understand half of the technical radiology explanations, but he listens intently to everything Shimazu says.

It’s not until they’re back in Shimazu’s office that it comes up. Taguchi is settled on the couch with coffee and Shimazu is facing away from him, examining some scans on his computer, so Taguchi can’t see his expression when he says in his typical monotone, “So? What’s this nonsense I hear about you two getting married, or something like that?”

Taguchi goes red. “Not you too,” he groans.

Shimazu half-shrugs. “I figured it was some joke of Shiratori’s that went too far. Am I right?”

Well, considering Shimazu is one of the only people who can come close to matching Shiratori’s sharp tongue when he’s determined, it’s not surprising he’d see through it. Taguchi nods, forgetting Shimazu can’t see it.

“He’s really a handful, you know!” Taguchi complains. “He springs this on me and then he _laughs_ when people take it seriously!”

“That sounds like him,” Shimazu agrees. “He’s a handful in general. I’m amazed you can put up with him as much as you do.”

“I’m used to his whims by now.” Taguchi sighs. “Or I thought I was used to it. He keeps finding new ways to throw me off-balance.”

“What else would you expect?” Shimazu says. “Word has it he sleeps in your office more often than not. Can you really blame people for believing a rumor like this?”

“Well… that’s true,” Taguchi concedes.

Shimazu swivels his chair around to face Taguchi. “If you really don’t like it, you could just kick him out,” he offers blandly.

“What? No, I wouldn’t do that.” Taguchi shakes his head, appalled, and surprised at himself for how much he dislikes the idea of doing that.

“Why not? You complain about him enough as it is,” Shimazu says.

Taguchi pauses. In all the years of their odd friendship, no one has ever come out and _asked_ why he puts up with Shiratori’s constant crashing. He has to take a minute to figure out how to put it to words.

“Shiratori-san is… well, I think he gets lonely sometimes,” Taguchi admits. “He doesn’t exactly have many friends. I think he likes having somewhere he knows he’s welcome.” He looks down and smiles to himself. “I stopped minding it once I realized it’s how he shows affection. He doesn’t like saying things, so he shows you he cares by letting himself go when he knows you won’t mind it. It’s cute in a weird way, actually.” A strange kind of happiness fills him when he thinks about it, and he can’t help but laugh quietly.

Shimazu snorts. Taguchi looks up, startled, and sees Shimazu giving him a look that can only be described as the stink eye.

“Honestly, Taguchi,” Shimazu says in his most exasperated voice, “do you ever listen to yourself talk?”

“Huh?” Taguchi blinks. “What do you mean?” He’s too taken off-guard to process Shimazu’s meaning.

Shimazu shakes his head and turns back around. “This is stupid. You’re both idiots. If you don’t get it, I’m not going to tell you. Don’t you have work to be doing, Taguchi-sensei?”

Stunned at the sudden turn in the conversation, Taguchi can do nothing except let himself be ushered out of the room. Shimazu has work to be doing, anyway; he probably shouldn’t interrupt too long.

On the way back to his office, Taguchi turns the conversation over in his head again. He gets the feeling he understands exactly what Shimazu meant by his pointed comment, unintentionally echoing a similar comment Hayami made the other day.

_You’re not helping your case._

_Do you ever listen to yourself talk?_

Taguchi’s not stupid. He knows exactly what they’re implying. And as much as he should be stunned or scandalized or denying it… the most shocking part is that he can’t, not as much as he ought to be. The thought of denying it feels wrong, somehow. There’s a certain warmth that fills him when he tries to think about this thing between them—a feeling he couldn’t put a name to before, but he’s pretty sure he’s starting to understand what it is now.

The question now is, what does he do about it? The most sensible option would be to do nothing. He tells himself that, repeats it in his head, even though he knows it won’t stick.

——

Dinner with Taguchi is surprisingly yet delightfully normal. If he’s still annoyed about the marriage rumor, he’s not showing it; he lets Shiratori rant about the stupid case he has to deal with and shows genuine sympathy for his plight. Then he asks if Shiratori is getting enough rest, and scolds him when he finally admits he hasn’t been sleeping much.

That’s the thing about Taguchi: he’s the perfect good cop because he’s never pretending to be the good cop. The same quality that makes him a useful investigation partner also makes him a good friend to confide to.

Not that Shiratori would ever tell Taguchi as much. Why, what if he started getting full of himself? It wouldn’t do for someone so small to start growing a big head, now would it!

By the time dinner is finished, it’s not anywhere near late enough for the trains to stop running, but Shiratori is too damn tired to deal with public transport, and there’s next to no resistance when he tells Taguchi he’s taking the couch again.

On the walk back through the hospital up to Taguchi’s office, several random barely-acquaintances call out congratulations to them. Shiratori smirks and calls back his thanks. Taguchi sighs and shakes his head, apparently resigned.

Nurse Fujiwara is there on her break when they get back to the office. She greets them both, nothing out of the ordinary—has she not heard the latest gossip yet?—and gives them a fond smile when Taguchi sits Shiratori down on the couch in that stern but gentle way of his.

“Make sure to get some proper sleep, do you hear?” Taguchi scolds.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be just fine in here,” Shiratori assures him with a wave of one hand.

Seemingly assured enough for the moment, Taguchi says his goodnights to both of them and leaves.

When the door clicks shut, Shiratori shakes his head to himself. “Mother hen, that one.”

From her spot where she’s cleaning up at the counter, Fujiwara gives Shiratori a sly look. “I see what you’ve been doing, Shiratori-san.”

Yep. There it is.

“Doing? What do you mean?” Shiratori puts on his best innocent face, knowing full well it won’t fool Fujiwara for a second.

As Shiratori expected, Fujiwara shakes her head at him. “Don’t you play your game with me,” she scolds. “Who do you think runs the gossip mill that spread that silly rumor of yours?”

“I wouldn’t dream of thinking otherwise, Fujiwara-sensei,” he assures her. He pauses and laughs to himself. “Silly rumor. That’s right, that’s all it is. Ridiculous of everyone to believe it so easily, but I had to take advantage and have a bit of fun, didn’t I?”

Fujiwara _tsks_ at him. “Come now, I said not to play your games, didn’t I?”

Shiratori blinks at her for a moment, then gives up. Even Fujiwara is making comments now. At this point it’d be stupid not to acknowledge something right in his face.

“I’d hope I’m not so obvious,” he sighs.

She’d never believe him if he told her he hadn’t acknowledged his own feelings until she scolded him ten seconds ago.

“You’re not. I doubt even Taguchi-sensei has realized,” Fujiwara says frankly. She smiles softly. “But I’ve been watching it happen in slow motion for years now, this thing between the two of you. It’s really quite special, whatever you might happen to call it at the end of the day.”

Everyone and their mother seems to have an opinion on his and Taguchi’s supposed relationship. None of them have grasped that it really won’t be quite that simple.

“Yeah. Special.” Shiratori laughs again, but it’s short, bitter. “That’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?”

Fujiwara stops with her cleaning and turns her full attention to him. “What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like.” Shiratori flops back onto the ridiculously comfy couch and stares up at the ceiling. “It’s a special thing, why ruin it? There’s no way that conversation could actually end well.”

Fujiwara’s voice has a slight steely edge to it this time. “How do you know that, exactly?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Shiratori snorts. “He doesn’t look like he’s ever even considered the possibility of being with other men, let alone me. And besides, he’s too good for me anyway. Why would he settle for someone like me?”

Whoops. Too much. Alarm bells start going off in his head for him to shut his mouth. That’s way more than he ever wanted to say. He’s not sure if it’s the fatigue talking, or the drink he’d had over dinner—those thoughts are normally reserved for the very back of his mind, where he can drown them out with sarcasm. Or else, in very rare cases, for confidential talks with Taguchi himself, which is obviously out of the question here.

“Shiratori-san!” Fujiwara snaps. When he finally shifts his gaze from the ceiling back to her, she’s staring at him with narrowed eyes and her arms crossed over her chest.

“If you keep talking about yourself like that, I’m going to be quite cross with you,” she declares.

That’s not the kind of threat that will have any effect on him, but it’s enough to get his mouth to stop running off without his permission.

He throws her a half-smirk and a lazy salute. “I got it. Just pretend that conversation never happened, Fujiwara-sensei.”

——

Of course, Shiratori can’t stop by to visit every day, so on those days, Taguchi happily wraps himself up in his work. It’s good to be back in the complaints clinic again. As much as he does (he has to admit) enjoy helping Shiratori, the work he gets here is genuinely fulfilling—being able to talk patients through their problems, sitting down and listening to people when they feel like no one’s listened to them before. After being away for so many weeks, it’s good to settle back in.

It’s on one of these days that he makes it down to the cafeteria and runs into Izumi again. Actually, it’s more that she finds him—he’s wrapped up in his reading while eating his lunch when she sits down across from him all of a sudden.

“Taguchi-sensei, there you are!” she exclaims.

Taguchi puts aside his book and is about to greet her when she plunges on with the rest of her thought.

“I’m so sorry about all the gossip I started!” Izumi says with an honestly apologetic look. “I really didn’t mean for it to spread this far.”

Taguchi smiles at her. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he says. (It’s not. Or is it? He can’t tell anymore.) “It’s not your fault, Izumi-sensei.”

“I still feel responsible, though.” She grimaces. “I got excited and told the ER, but then later I realized there was probably a reason you hadn’t told everyone. Coming out can be pretty hard, and you trusted me with such an important thing, and then I had to go and… anyway, seriously, I’m sorry.”

Ah. Taguchi sees where she’s coming from with this. “I still don’t think it’s necessary,” he says gently, “but I accept your apology.”

“Thanks, it’s really been weighing on my mind,” she says with a relieved sigh. “Tell Shiratori for me too, would you?”

Taguchi can’t stop himself from snorting. “That guy? He doesn’t need an apology, he started it. He’s having fun with the whole situation.”

“Well, of course I am. What’s not fun about watching Gucchi panic over something harmless?” a familiar drawl sounds from behind him.

Taguchi nearly jumps out of his skin. He whirls around to see Shiratori standing right there with his trademark sardonic grin and nice suit.

“Shiratori-san! What are you doing here?” Taguchi demands. “I thought you were too busy with work today.” He’d like to tell himself the pounding of his heart is just from being startled, but that would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

Shiratori raises an eyebrow. “I got a bit of free time unexpectedly, so I texted you to see if you wanted to do lunch. Instead I found you here.”

Oh. He’d texted? Taguchi hastily feels through his pockets for his phone—not here. “Sorry. I must have left it in my office.”

“Don’t worry about it, I found you in the end.” Shiratori waves him off and sits down next to him. “So what don’t I need an apology for, now?”

“For getting us into this whole mess by telling Izumi we’re married,” Taguchi huffs. “She apologized to me and I accepted it, but _you_ don’t deserve one.”

“Oh, don’t I?” Shiratori says with mock surprise. “Well, not that I’d want one anyway. Since I get to see Gucchi panicking over something harmless, as I said.”

“This is not harmless,” Taguchi says. “Maybe the gossip about our relationship is harmless, but do you know what’s not? Your reputation. I can never escape us being a set now. My reputation is forever tainted by yours.”

Shiratori laughs. “We’ve already had this conversation, you know? Admit it, you don’t want to escape at this point. That ship sailed the day you agreed to get married, _darling_.”

Taguchi stutters and blushes and shuts up because he doesn’t actually have a good response to that.

It’s starting to feel—real, is the thing. It’s starting to feel real, and it shouldn’t, because they’re both guys, and they work together, and if it doesn’t work out then it might mess up their friendship and Taguchi doesn’t want that. He’s been trying to tell himself that ever since Shimazu threw him a bit of snark that knocked his heart into place. But this feels so natural. Comfortable. Maybe it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want to give that up once the rumor quiets down and everything settles back to normal.

Izumi giggles at them. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to. Taguchi can get her meaning loud and clear.

——

Since Taguchi so rudely accidentally stood Shiratori up for lunch, they agree to go get dinner instead. Taguchi lets Shiratori pick the place, and instead of picking one of their usual hangouts, he figures maybe they should try going somewhere actually semi-nice for once. Naturally, they end up at a steakhouse with a good reputation.

“Of course, meat. What did I expect.” Taguchi rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his lips that Shiratori definitely does not get distracted by.

Dinner is nice. It’s not a suit-and-tie sort of place necessarily, but it’s definitely a white tablecloth sort of place. Shiratori hasn’t been to a place like this since his fiancée, which is, well… a long time ago now. It feels like… okay, like a date. He hadn’t _meant_ for it to seem like a date, but also he sort of had, because something is happening here and he is definitely Feeling Things for Taguchi and he can’t really ignore that now. Damn emotions, always making everything complicated.

After they’ve finished, Taguchi admits that he’d been planning to head home instead of back to the office. It’s a bit disappointing that Shiratori doesn’t have an excuse to crash on that couch now, but he offers to walk Taguchi back to the hospital anyway. Walking home together would be better, really, but Taguchi takes his bicycle back and forth, so there’s no excuse for that.

The walk back is unusually quiet, but not a bad sort of quiet. Their arms bump into each other as they walk. Taguchi is fidgeting, his face unreadable.

When they get back to the hospital and then to the bicycle racks, Shiratori waits there patiently as Taguchi unlocks his bicycle. Waiting for what, exactly, he’s not sure.

Finally, Taguchi breaks the silence. “Tonight was… nice. We should do it again sometime.”

Shiratori shrugs. “It was just a whim, but I’d definitely be up for going there again.”

Taguchi looks up at Shiratori with an unusually determined look on his face, and for once Shiratori has no idea what he’s thinking. As Shiratori’s trying to puzzle out what goes on in that little head, Taguchi squares his shoulders, takes a deep breath, and then stands on his toes and grabs Shiratori’s tie to pull him down and—kiss him? Kiss him. That’s what’s happening. It’s clumsy and awkward, but it’s definitely a kiss.

After a few moments, Taguchi releases him and steps back, eyes wide. Shiratori should definitely be saying something right now, but his brain’s short-circuited. Did that just happen? Taguchi just kissed him. It’s so—he thinks he should’ve seen it coming from a kilometer off, but it’s so out of nowhere that he can’t do anything to respond to it. His body feels electrified. Did Taguchi just kiss him?

Taguchi is going red and stuttering, looking panicky at Shiratori’s lack of response.

“Right—okay—I should go now!” He stumbles and almost knocks over his bicycle and manages to get on it. “Thanks for tonight, I, uh. Good night!”

He speeds off into night before Shiratori can get a single word out. It’s just as well, because Shiratori still has no idea what to say.

——

Shiratori doesn’t show up the next day, and Taguchi’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed.

To keep his thoughts off of Shiratori on his break, Taguchi visits Michi. Michi’s cancer has advanced to the point where she can no longer walk about the hospital like she used to and spends most of her time in her hospital bed instead. Her daughter and granddaughter are, thankfully, visiting her when they can, but she still has a lot of time on her own. Taguchi can see how bored she is, so he makes a point of stopping in to visit her whenever he gets a free moment.

“How is your granddaughter doing, Michi-san?” he asks.

Michi’s tired face lights up. “Oh, she’s just wonderful! She’s doing so well in school! And, see, she drew me something the other day when she was in class—isn’t it lovely?”

She points to the small table nearby, where a drawing has been propped up: a bright, colorful field of flowers.

“She said she wanted to bring me flowers, but real ones would die, so she drew some for me so that they wouldn’t wilt,” Michi says.

Taguchi feels himself smile. “That’s wonderful.”

Michi nods slowly. “I’m glad I… decided to live a bit longer.”

“So am I, Michi-san,” Taguchi tells her quietly.

A bittersweet silence falls, and this is the point where it’s best to find a change of subject, before memories of a fire and a decision almost made irreversible come back up.

Normally, this is where Michi would stop and asks Taguchi how he’s been doing recently. This time, though, she raises an eyebrow at him instead. “By the way, what’s this I hear about you and that quack doctor?” she says in a tone like she’s scolding a child.

Taguchi can feel himself turning red. “Michi-san, even you’ve heard about that?” Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. Too late.

She ignores him and keeps going on. “Of all the people for you to be with. Such a bad attitude, that one! I admit I should’ve seen it coming, but I still cannot understand what you see in him.”

Well. He understands why she’d object. Shiratori is ornery and all of the Hekisuiin patients made no secret of their dislike for him during their stay there. Still, he can’t help but be… nervous? Disappointed? He’s not sure what the feeling is, except that he doesn’t like it.

Michi sighs. “Still,” she says, “there may be no accounting for taste, but I suppose if he makes you happy.”

Taguchi bites his lip. “I… I think he does,” he says slowly. “It took me a long time to realize that he does, but… I think so.” Even though there are a million reasons that shouldn’t be the case. He’d acted on impulse last night, all the reasons not to get involved drowned out by familiar affection. Thanks to that, he may have gone and messed it up. He hopes he hasn’t messed it up.

Michi reaches out, slowly, and takes his hand. “Taguchi-sensei, listen to me. Take it from an old woman. Love is something you may only find once in a lifetime. It’s a thing rare and precious enough that you should treasure it when you find it.”

Taguchi gives her hand a gentle squeeze and smiles back at her.

——

Shiratori has to be at Tojo for real work this time, to follow up with Sasai on his case, but he also is definitely avoiding Taguchi because he doesn’t know what to say just yet. So instead of crashing Taguchi’s office like usual, he loiters on the couch in Hayami’s office (unfortunately much less comfortable than his usual couch) for a solid half hour before Hayami’s break begins with nothing to do but stare at the myriad of colors on the wheel of lollipops on his desk.

Eventually Hayami walks in; he barely even acknowledges Shiratori and heads straight over to his desk.

“And what is the Ministry man doing in my office?” Hayami asks.

Shiratori snorts. “Please. You really think I wouldn’t be making a scene in your emergency room if this was official business?”

Hayami stops in front of his desk. “Fine. Let me revise my question.” He unwraps a lollipop and pops it in his mouth. “What is my ex who investigated me for graft doing in my office?”

Shiratori lets the barbs slide off of him. “Come on, things aren’t that bad between us, are they? Well, okay, they kind of are, but still.”

Hayami narrows his eyes. “Don’t you play your games with me, Shiratori. I know there’s no way you’d be in here normally. This is about Taguchi-sensei, isn’t it? You can’t complain to him because it’s about him.”

Is he really that obvious? Well, it’s Hayami, so yeah, he probably is. Shiratori shrugs and plays it cool. “And if it is?”

Hayami snorts. “Have you really sunk so low as to come looking for advice from _me_, of all people? I didn’t think you’d gotten this pathetic.” He sighs. “So? What’s the trouble in paradise?”

Shiratori fiddles with the Doctor Heli model he found on Hayami’s desk. “Did you really mean what you said, when you hoped I’d moved on?”

Hayami finally sits down at his desk and stares at Shiratori, that stare that would intimidate anyone who hadn’t known him for as long as Shiratori has. “Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”

“And what did you mean by saying that in front of Gucchi? You outed me, you know.” This is a nice model. Where did Hayami find it?

Hayami crosses his arms. “Only because I assumed you’d told him already, what with how close you two are.”

“Well, that’s fair, I suppose.” Shiratori glances over at him fake-casually. “You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“I told you not to play your games with me,” Hayami says sharply. “You know exactly what I meant. He’s good for you, whether it’s as a friend or something else. He’s a talented counselor; maybe you should take some tips from his friendly attitude.”

Shiratori ignores the barb. “And of course you had to say all this directly to him.”

Hayami leans forward. “Don’t you dare accuse me of trying to set you up.”

“Hey, you said it, not me,” Shiratori points out.

“I did no such thing. All I did was observe the situation as I saw it. It’s not setting you up to point out that you’re the happiest I’ve seen you since before your fiancée died.”

That’s a low blow Shiratori wasn’t expecting, and it cuts right where he’s sure Hayami meant it to.

“Now, did you actually have anything to say to me?” Hayami continues. “Or are you just picking a fight because you need something to distract yourself with? Because I have actual work I need to be doing, and I’m sure you do as well.”

Shiratori winces. What was he thinking, trying to talk to one of the few people who can see through him? “Well, hypothetically…” he says with a sigh, “if someone had tried to take another step in our relationship and then run off, and that hypothetical person was not me, then I might hypothetically be picking a fight with you because of that.”

“Hypothetically,” Hayami says, deadpan. “I see how it is. Good, you know how he feels now, so what on earth are you waiting for? Stop moping around and go get him, this isn’t a good look on you.” He says this not in an encouraging way, but in that forceful, overbearing way he orders his subordinates around as the general of the ER.

Shiratori laughs, sharp and quick. “You give terrible pep talks, you know that?” He sets the Doctor Heli model down on the table and stands up.

“As long as it works. Now get the hell out of my office.”

Grin overtaking his face, Shiratori walks out with a quick wave behind him, not looking back.

——

One evening, right around when Taguchi is finishing up for the day, Izumi drops by his office on her break. It’s unusual to see her in here; he does occasionally get visitors in here aside from Shiratori and Fujiwara, but not Izumi. She sits down at his table and asks about a patient named Miyamura who’s been visiting the complaints clinic; it seems Miyamura was one of Izumi’s patients and Izumi wants to make sure she’s recovering well. Of course, Taguchi takes a few minutes to reassure her.

Still, he’s glad she visited, because there are more important things to talk about with her—namely, to set the record straight without Shiratori around.

“Izumi,” he says, interrupting their conversation as it seems to be wrapping up, “I have something I should tell you. And apologize for.”

“Hm? What’s this about?” She gives him a blank look.

Taguchi bows in his seat and doesn’t look at her. “The thing is… Shiratori-san and I aren’t… actually together. We’re not married or a couple or anything. It just started as a joke of Shiratori-san’s that got out of hand. I’m sorry I didn’t correct you before.” He waits. No response.

He dares to take a peek up at her. She’s staring at him, eyebrows raised, mouth set in a thin line.

Finally, she says, “…You’re not pulling my leg, are you.” It’s a statement, not a question.

Taguchi straightens up from his bow and shakes his head.

She lets out a deep sigh. “Well, I sure wasn’t expecting this today. I’m not sure what to say except I’m sorry. You two completely had me convinced.”

Taguchi’s shoulders slump. “Well, you see, the thing is… we’re not, but. But I now think that I… want to be? Because everyone’s been taking it seriously, and it’s been… nice. So I think I should also be thanking you, because if you hadn’t misunderstood, I might not have realized…” He waves a hand and trails off.

Izumi’s eyebrows have raised even more now. “Wait a minute. So you’re coming out to me again, is that what this is? You’re not, but now you are again?”

Taguchi can’t help but laugh. “This must seem like a very strange conversation on your end, huh?”

“Just a bit, yeah,” Izumi confirms. “So, have you actually done anything about it yet?”

“…Sort of.” Taguchi fidgets and looks away.

“That sounds like a wishy-washy answer to me, Taguchi,” Izumi says, deadpan. “Look, if you’re really sure that’s what you want, why not just go for it? I can’t imagine he’d reject you, after all this. He’s been telling people you’re _married_ for weeks now.”

She has a point. “When you put it that way, it all sounds quite simple, doesn’t it?”

“Exactly.” She snorts and gives him a friendly smack on the shoulder. “So stop wasting time here and go get him already.”

He nods. She’s right. He’s just not sure how to go about it.

——

Before Shiratori can act on anything, he gets a text from Taguchi asking to meet in his office that night. Well, if he wants to take responsibility for what he did, who is Shiratori to stop him?

When he gets there, Taguchi is sitting at the table, looking nervous. Instead of sitting next to him, Shiratori strolls past him to go lounge on his couch.

“So? What’s this about?” Shiratori asks, playing dumb.

Taguchi fidgets and glances at him hesitantly. “Well… first of all, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the other day.”

Oh, this is a fantastic way to start. Taguchi’s giving him too much good material to work with. “What, you’re sorry for kissing me? That’s rude, isn’t it, to kiss someone and then apologize? Those sure are some mixed signals, Gucchi.”

Taguchi fumbles at his response, obviously taken by surprise. “Wha—no! Not that! I wanted to apologize for running off like that. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“Hmm. I see.” Shiratori studies his fingernails. “So you’re _not_ sorry for kissing me, then? That’s also rude of you, to apologize and then take it back. You’re getting rather impertinent for someone so little, aren’t you?”

Taguchi’s jaw drops. As expected, he’s starting to look frustrated. “Shiratori-san! What do you _want_ from me? I’m trying to have a serious talk here!”

Shiratori looks him in the eye. “I could ask the same thing of you, Gucchi. What do _you_ want from me? You’ve been acting like you hate this whole rumor I started, until suddenly you didn’t. I’d like a straight answer, here.”

Taguchi’s eyes go wide at that. “Does it really look like I _hate_ it?”

Shiratori shrugs. “You tell me. Didn’t you want all this to stop?”

“Maybe at the beginning,” Taguchi says, voice rising. “But I realized I—I _like_ all this that’s been happening. I like going on dates and having you crash on my couch and seeing that as normal.”

“Really?” Shiratori raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure you aren’t just taking pity on me?”

“Wha—How could you say something like that, Shiratori-san?!” Taguchi’s raising his voice even more now. Good, he’s getting mad.

“Well, that could be it, couldn’t it?” Shiratori says, fake-calm, ignoring the way his heart is racing. “Poor Shiratori-san, who has no other friends. Like that, right?”

Taguchi stands up from his chair. “Dammit, Shiratori-san, I’m trying to say I love you, you idiot!”

This time Shiratori’s not faking the surprise on his face, nor the smug grin a few seconds later.

Taguchi’s jaw drops again as he realizes. “You—have you been using your ‘active phase’ on me again?!”

Shiratori laughs, loud and clear. “It’s been a while since you fell for my provocation, Gucchi!”

In the time it takes for Shiratori to stop laughing, Taguchi crosses the room and sits next to him on the couch, grumbling to himself.

“This time I’m the one who’s sorry,” Shiratori says, still grinning. “I had to be sure of your feelings first.”

Taguchi smacks him in the shoulder, although there’s no real anger behind it. “You didn’t have to do that, you idiot,” he scolds. “I was planning on telling you my honest feelings even before you started in on that.”

Shiratori leans in closer and puts an arm around Taguchi’s shoulders. “Were you, now. Well then, let’s just call it even for you running off the other day?”

Taguchi glances up at him, a faint smile crossing his lips. “But not for surprising you with a kiss?”

Shiratori snorts. “Gucchi, did you really think I actually wanted you to apologize for that?”

“Do you?” Taguchi retorts. “You still haven’t told me how _you_ actually feel about all this, you know.”

Ah. That’s right, he hasn’t. “Honestly, do you really need me to say it at this point?” Shiratori asks. He leans in closer and grips Taguchi’s chin. “I could just show you instead.”

“I would appreciate that,” Taguchi says, quiet and wide-eyed.

Shiratori leans in and kisses him. It’s a much better kiss this time, with both of them responding eagerly. This. This is what he wanted. This feels right, feels like home.

He pulls back, leaving the kiss as a brief but passionate confession. It’s tempting to go back for more, now that he knows he can.

Taguchi laughs softly. “I could get used to that.”

“So could I,” Shiratori says, and kisses him again.

——

There’s a new cactus on Taguchi’s office windowsill when he arrives in the morning. He walks over to it curiously. It’s placed carefully at the edge of his collection, just slightly away from the others. It’s a species he doesn’t recognize. There’s a blue ribbon wrapped around the pot, tied neatly in a little bow.

Taguchi laughs. How cute.

He goes about his usual routine for the day. A few patients to see, a brief call from the ER for information on a returning patient, lunch, more patients. An ordinary day, but there’s a spring in his step he can’t quite disguise.

Once his shift is over, Shiratori shows up at his office, dressed in his usual suit.

“Thank you for the cactus,” Taguchi says. “It’ll be a nice addition to my collection.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Shiratori says, grinning.

They set out, hands brushing against each other as they walk.

As they’re leaving together, one of the nurses calls over with a smile, “Where are you two off together tonight?”

“Married date night,” Shiratori calls back, sounding smug.

Taguchi smiles and nods, feeling himself blush. “That’s right.”

He can’t stop smiling all the way to the restaurant.


End file.
